This weeks has been... well... to be honest, rough.
We´ve talked a lot about how in more ways than just one, we´ve kind of been thrown into ¨survival mode¨. more literally than I would have liked, and it´s always a little bit more of a blow this late in the game.
Honestly with everything...changes, challenges... and one sickness after the next. Worms, Hermana Hales got really nasty bronchitis... and now... with the current predicament in which we find ourselves.... I honestly have just kind of gotten to the point where i want to say BASTA!
We´ve talked several times about how hard Satan is pushing against us.
Once, back in San Juan, when I was going through another one of those trying moments, I prayed to find the strength, to not feel so alone... and I opened to Joseph Smith History:
One of my favorite stories is in Matthew 14:24-31.
I feel like lately I´ve been a little bit of a Peter. When I left Dorrego, i was sad to leave, but then, seeing this as a great opportunity... and maybe even gettng a little bit ahead of myself... thinking i have ¨lots of time¨in the mission...experience... I can use the things I´ve learned, seen, the attributes I´ve developed..
Like Peter, I jumped over the edge.
As we worked and worked. Nothing to start with. No results being seen. And then the weeks went on. Sickness after sickness... In those second and third watches, we are prone to think many things... God isn´t listening. He doesn´t care right now. Maybe I´m not doing what it takes to be worthy of being saved. The reality really starting to hit me... and honestly I felt like I was starting to sink.
in the story, Peter, in his moment of realization...even with all of his ¨experience¨with the sea.. he knew better than to try and fight it out...struggle alone. He called out to Jesus to help him.
Sometimes that´s a concept that I struggle with. as you all know... I have that ¨superwoman complex¨ and try to just tough it out.
But I´ve learned... and especially as of late that when i´m drowning, figthing the waves just makes exhaustion come that much faster.
Just like with Peter, Christ´s hand is always outstreched. Maybe He hasn´t quite raised me up to the point of ¨walking on the water¨... because maybe i´m not ready for that yet. But He outstreched His hand, and is allowing me to rely on His strength... keeping my head above the water. To recognize more and more each day my dependence on Him and to allow Him to take control.
Just like He did with Peter, Christ welcomes and even encourages our eagerness even knowing sometimes that there are just some things that we´re not capable of doing ourselves.
but he also knows they allow for great growth and recognition on our part. He allows us to try...and yes, sometimes start to sink. and it´s then, in those moments, when we recognize our true dependence on Him.
Storms are an unavoidable part of each of our lives. Some toss about just a little bit, and then land us safely on shore.
While others swirl, grow, and threaten us to the point where the ¨watches¨got on, the night seems long, and there is seemingly no sign of a break or morning.
We worship a ¨fourth watch God¨. Sometimes He waits until we think that all hope is lost, until we have exhausted all of our own efforts. But He always comes in and reminds us that He knows where we are, what we´re going through, and that He is in control.
¨Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.¨
I love you all so much.
xoxox Your Hermana C