Saturday, February 15, 2014

February 10, 2014 - Tight-Rope Walking & Balancing Act

So this week I had a realization...well, okay, lots of them really.
As far as ¨numbers¨for our area goes, it was one of the lowest I´ve seen on my mission. We are in charge of 4 other companionship's of hermanas and so we are constantly on exchanges. Which is not to be mistaken as an excuse, but a large contributing factor. I´m learning a lot about prioritizing, evaluating, and working harder to maximize time.
Last week, we had one of those ¨non of our investigators are progressing... We had a bit of a re-evaluation, and prayers, and decided that the best thing for everyone was to ¨drop¨ (i hate that word)... them and let them grow a little bit. So we were starting from scratch. Which meant a lot of ALB! We realized quickly how out of practice we were, and again, I was reminded how even though sometimes it´s hard, and sometimes humiliating, I LOVE talking to people! It´s exhausting but energizes me at the same time! 

We went this week to visit one of our ¨on-the-fence¨investigators, Raquel. She loves when we read and have lessons with her, but struggles, bad, to keep compromisos. We showed up, and she told us that her son, Damian, had seen her Libro de Mormón, and that he wanted to take it to read it. We gave her another copy to give him, but then he showed up! We invited him to come listen to us. We had planned to read the intro if Raquel hadn´t read...and she didn´t.... so we taught a brief Restauración, and then read the intro. HE IS SO PREPARED. He was so intrigued, and eager to read! We´re excited to see him progress!
Magalí, has been calling us all week to go out with us, and tomorrow she´s coming to lessons and go ALB. Her turn around has been INCREDIBLE. She and her mom and sister came to church again yesterday, and she is just GLOWING! 

We met this man the other day, Salvador se llama. He owns a car shop, and we always pass by on the way to Jorge. He´s always been nice, so we passed by, and without even realizing it, I stopped and just started talking to him. After a few minutes, I asked him if he´d talked to missionaries before. He got defensive and started rambling about how he didn´t trust in God. How it´s easier to trust in men because we know they will never let us down. ¨False¨I thought to myself. He wouldn´t even let us get a word in, and I could just tell there was way more to it than he was letting on. He finally took a breath, and we both just testified that God has a plan and that he loves us. ¨Vengan!¨ ¨Come here!¨he said to us, and we followed him just inside the door of the car shop. Behind the door was a picture of a little boy in a race car. ¨If there´s a God, and he loves us, why did he take my grandson when he only had 7 years on this earth?¨ He started to cry, and shout, really. We listened for a minute, and then I tried to talk about the plan of Salvation. He didn´t want to hear it. So, not shouting, but kind of, I blurted out ¨Can we just sing you a song?¨ He looked puzzled, then exhausted said ¨Sure, sing if you want.¨ We sang ¨Families can be together forever¨. His whole rostro changed. And when we finished, he was SPEECHLESS! I took advantage of that moment to testify to him that I KNOW that God loves him. That he WILL see his grandson again. I told him that we would love to come back and talk to him more. To which he said in a whisper ¨Sí, chicas, pasen cuando quieran.¨ You can come back whenever you want. and he kind of just ushered us out in a stupor. 

I am SO grateful for the Holy Ghost, for the Lord´s love for each of us, for the way he puts thoughts into our heads of things that will touch the hearts of stubborn and hurting people, always for PRIMARY songs that change lives and open doors.

Back to my realization...This week I´ve had a pad of sticky notes constantly with me, next to my bed, in my pocket. My brain is on ALWAYS, and I find myself writing bits of info/revelation/scriptures/songs/advice/ and to-do lists everywhere I turn. 
This week has been fuller than ever. goals, appointments, exchanges, meetings, trainings, callings, responsibilities, cleaning, area book, time lines, needs, studying, journal writing, phone calls, service, lessons, talks.....Add to that eating and sleeping (which sometimes I wish weren´t so necessary). Okay, so I know. It´s the life of a missionary. But somewhere in the midst of all of it, I think I got a little ahead of myself, and maybe a little overwhelmed. 
A couple nights ago I had a moment... there´s this talk, i don´t remember who by, but he´s talking about revelation, and the importance of writing things down. He had a dream one night and was super excited about the revelation as he woke up and wrote it down. But then in the morning, he was devastated to realize that he couldn´t understand it! 
Sometimes my mid-dream doodles are just that... But the other night I had a dream, yes, the South America mission is helping me translate my dreams. But I was on a tight rope, super high up, and I just remember feeling this overwhelming panic that I COULD NOT get to the other side on my own. I was standing there, and there were tons of people just looking at me, waiting, not helping at all. I started across, and at first I was okay, but then the rope started to get smaller and smaller, harder to cross. I paused, and looked around like ¨If anyone has suggestions, I´d love them.¨ But no one said anything. I started to wobble, and I realized that I was going to fall if I didn´t get help! 
Then it switched and I was walking on the beach. It was something like that poem ¨Footprints in the sand¨. I just remember feeling this overwhelming sense of peace. Like that ¨What were you even so worried about?¨feeling. I remember looking around, and just realizing that even though I was ¨alone¨, I really wasn´t. 
I woke up, wrote down my dream, and then to the side I wrote. ¨Beacuse Christ´s life was a life of balance.¨ 
I thought a lot about that. and mostly about that word. Balance. It´s such an important concept in every aspect of our lives. My patriarchal blessing actually talks about it.

I studied that word, and a lot of the aspects of Christ´s life to figure out how I can better apply it in my own. I realized that... I think that I always thought that to be an excellent missionary meant that you´re always happy, energized, content, successful, positive, and on-top-of-things. Ha well we can´t be perfect. 
Disillusions, slow days, depressed moments, stress, and even days where you don´t know where to start, will surely come as part of the process.
But in the 4th Missionary. It talks about how the 4th missionary ¨is at peace with what he is doing and who he is despite of his weaknesses and failures.¨ It´s not about being perfect. It´s about trust, about knowing where to turn, and who is really directing this great work. 

D&C 123:17 
¨Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.¨

I´ve been told on more than one occasion that I am a constant ball of energy, and that I don´t like to be ¨still¨for any large amount of time....and it´s true, there´s not enough time for that...
But I am learning what it means to ¨Be still in Christ¨. To trust in His timing, His love, His wisdom.
Sometimes it seems like the tight-rope you´re walking gets thinner and thinner, and seemingly impossible sometimes. And in those moments where we feel ourselves being pulled to one side or the other, and it seems like we might just go over the edge....Christ is there to catch us, support us, to get us back on track, regain our balance. And as with all stumbles, starting again might be a little shaky...and yes, there are still a lot of things ¨hanging¨in that balance...But if we trust in Him, and His expertise, we can make it to the other side. 

After all, He has perfect ¨BALANCE¨. 

Love you all so much! 
esta semana que viene! 
xoxox Your Hermana C




                 *HERMANA TANNER

             *exchanges en Uspallata! 

* we just took a little road trip to a place that looked familiar.


*this one´s for granmom...first m&ms I´ve seen!! 
I ate them all in one sittng, just for you :)

1 comment:

  1. Hello Hermana Cox, You don't know me I am el Hermano Paul Cuessy from Los Angeles,Cali. I am the father of 2 boys and 2 beautiful girls. Got sealed in the Santa Monica Temple 20 yrs ago.. I came across your web page as I was researching The Mendoza Mission, you see my son just received he's call to serve this Mission. As a concerned Father sending he's boy out for 2 yrs. I've been trying to learn as mush as possible about Mendoza,Argentina. Hermana I'm not trying to be nosy, But I was blown away by your letters to your family and your missionary experiences. How is it possible that someone I don't know and that's 1000 of miles away can fill my heart and spirit with such joy and happiness. I feel the spirit so strong in you. You have given me peace and calmness with my son leaving to the MTC on 4/9/14.THANK YOU SOOO MUCH. I will also pray for your Hermanito and your Familia. In case you ever do come across new missionares in the field My son is Marlon Paul Cuessy. Thanks again. God Bless..